Just keep fighting.

Here I sit. Back in the Same Day Surgery room. Bryan is having his port taken out today. That should be an exciting day. It is in some ways. But I wish that meant that the chemo treatments were done. Not so. After the 4th treatment, he decided he had had enough of that. The numbness, the cold/hot sensitivity, the long day in the chemo room just got to much. If someone could tell us that this was really making a difference, it might be easier to do. So 3 weeks ago, after a chemo treatment that sent his blood into another tail spin, (platelets were back up to 123,000, but his white blood cells were 1.1) Bryan decided he had had enough. He was tired of the side effects and the many doctors appointments and the unknown effects (maybe permanent). So we went in and talked to the doctor. This was probably the first visit where we felt like anyone listened to us. As Bryan described the side effects that are present and continuing to get worse. Surprisingly enough, the doctor just listened and then said. I had no idea all of that was going on. Most of that you don't share with anyone. I can understand why you feel this way. He told us we had 3 options. 1st - stay on the treatment we are on, 2nd go back to the oral chemo and 3rd - ride off in to the sunset and forget about it all. The doctor said at this point, he probably would ride off into the sunset. That would be tempting. He told us that although rectal cancer is considered the same as colon cancer, there really aren't enough studies to show how all of this effects rectal cancer. Somehow I think about Let's make a Deal (the game show of old) when I hear all of these options. Door 3 would be the grand prize. Hopefully, we will still get that prize. But for right now, we choose door/option 2. We really want to be smart with all of this, but he still has to live and remain in a positive state. So for now, the oral treatment seems the best for us. He takes chemo for 2 weeks on and 1 week off, for the rest of the summer. At that point, we hope to be done with the chemo. But who knows, lets just get us to that point. Bryan does really well, that is for all he his doing. He is a very positive person and continues to fight each day. Some days are harder than others. But he is a fighter and doesn't give up. For all of that, we love him.