Where we stand?

I haven't been very good about writing the last 2 months.  Once we got though the radiation and chemo treatments, things slowed down.  An occasional doctors visit was all we did.  It took Bryan until the middle of December to start feeling better.  By Christmas, he was feeling quite a bit better, but then after Christmas he got a cold.  Funny how he worked every day thru radiation, but a cold kept him home.  But anyone that knows Bryan knows he has the art of coughing perfected.  So rather than share his germs with the world, he stay home for a couple of days.  But he had a hard time pulling out of that cold.  I could see a difference in his strength.  He really tired easily and although he kept his positive attitude and joyfully personality, he was struggling some.  So we were really glad when Jan 19th finally got here.

On January 17th, we spent all afternoon at the hospital getting him ready for surgery.  He did all the blood work and then we spent some time at the wound clinic.  They explained what a colostomy bag was and what he would be doing for the rest of his life.  Some people aren't as lucky as he is, they only have it for a few months, but Bryan will get to have it forever.  I still feel blessed that a bag is the worst that we have.  He could of had it so much worse.  Saying that, doesn't simplify it any.  His life is changed forever.

The wound clinic was so good for us.  They had him bend and stretch and move around and find the place that would be the most comfortable and easiest to work with.  They told us in detail how to work with it, what to expect and how to manage it.  What a blessing they were.  Two hours in an afternoon educated us in so many ways.

Wednesday, Bryan had a full day at work trying to get ready to leave the office for a couple of weeks (I hope that is all if will be).  Our plan is that I can help him through the next few to keep business going.  I am nervous about that.  But he still had to do a liquid diet and the flushing of the body.  That is the 3rd time in the last 3 months.  He is really sick of it. We had help to make the evening light with the kids and lots of games.  What a blessing our children are.  They have been such a support for the last few months.

Thursday morning we were at the hospital at 10:30 waiting for the big event.  The doctor wanted him last, so that he could take his time and make sure it was done right.  The idea turned out to be the best.

I left him at 12:30 and headed to the waiting room.  Dr, Cook had told  me to plan on 4-5 hours total (prep, surgery, and recovery) but that if the surgery wasn't done in 3 hours he would send someone out to tell me where they stood.  So we started the waiting game.  About 4:30, Dr. Cooks PA came out and told us that he was doing fine, but that it was just a really hard surgery.  They had explained to me that Bryan's pelvis was narrow and tight and that it had been hard to get what they needed.  Men are harder to work on than women in this spot.  Jory said they would be another hour or so.  So we waited some more,  Finally at a little after 6, Dr. Cook came out,  He told me that the surgery was really tough.  He repeated it several times.  He said he had lost a lot of blood and they had given him a unit of blood in the surgery.  Dr. Cook told me that he removed everything that was needed to have his best chances of getting rid of the cancer, which left him with a colostomy bag.  We knew that would be the case so we were prepared.  Dr. Cook said that Bryan had done really well, it was just a tough surgery. Dr. Cook said that he would be in recovery about an hour and then they would come and get me.

At 7:30, we decided to call and check with the nurse to see how things were going.  I was told he was doing well, but it would be another half hour.  The waiting continued.  At 8:30, James said he would call again.  The kids were surprised that they hadn't at least let me go back by now.  James was across the room talking to the nurse and I could tell by the look on his face, that there was more to the story than I had been told.  When James came back to explain, he didn't even know where to begin or what to say.  Ashley had called the first time and wasn't given any information, so we didn't expect anything.

The nurse informed James that the first epidural had not worked,  Bryan woke up and the pain was horrible.
The doctor had to put the epidural in again.  So they had him sit up in bed and you can guess from there what happened.  He remembers sitting up, throwing up, and looking at the clock at 6:00.  Then the next thing he remembers is waking up and looking at the clock and it was 9:00.  When the nurses came and got us it was just after 9:00.  He looked so pale.  Bryan knew he had worried me when he saw the time.  He kept saying I'm sorry to worry you.

I had held it together pretty well until they wheeled him upstairs and the nurse said to me "if you will just wait out in the waiting room, when Mr. Pendleton is ready we will come and get you".  I looked at him and said, can you do it in less than 3 hours, and then I fell apart.  The nurse could tell that was to much to ask.  He said "I'm sorry you can stay".  As the nurses from recovery left, they said "We have had more fun with him this afternoon than we wanted, we are happy to leave him hear.  Good Luck!

The Lords plan!

The time flies by while standing still.  It feels like years since we heard the words you have cancer.  People say there is life after cancer and I believe there is, but ours lives have changed and they will never be the same.

You ask how has it changed?  You never think it can happen to you.  You never think you will hear the words. Life seems more precious and people seem to be more caring.  Where have I been when other people are hurting.  I haven't been the kind of friends others have been to us.  Food brought in, neighbors stop by to see how you are doing, people constantly tell us that they are praying for us and putting on names in the temple.  And wanting to help.  But for Bryan and I, there has also been a new found peace.  A peace that says, it doesn't matter what doctor your go to, or what hospital you go to, or how many prayers are offered in our behalf or how much fasting is done, the Lord is in control.  He has a plan. He has things we need to learn.  His time frame is at hand and he is in control.  We can fight it, but that only makes things harder.  Don't read into this that we have given up, because we haven't and in fact, we both feel that everything will be positive and there will be life after cancer, but we are more willing to listen, and more willing to see his will though all of this.  We still have a lot of life to live, but hopefully it will be more in the Lords plan and not so much in our plans.

It's interesting that last Christmas, we did pictures and pillows for family and friends that said "Be Still and know that I am God"  Just 11 months ago, we thought we knew what that meant.  But we didn't.  My fear is that I still don't know what that means.

But in the mean time, we are going to be grateful for our blessings.  We have so many.  This Thanksgiving we will love deeper and enjoy greater than we ever have before.

We are grateful for cancer, it has given us a new perceptive on life.  Thank you Lord for helping us see clearer and put our lives in your hands.  Please take care of us.

The Lord has sent many tender mercies to us over the past 3 months. He has listened to prayers and answered some of them, he has taught us many lessons.  Lessons we never want to forget.

Start of Week 4

I really thought I would have more to post than I do.  We have been really blessed in the progress Bryan has made.  He has had some side effects from the Chemo.  He has had the fatigue they told us he would have.  He started with fever blisters around his mouth last week, but the PA gave him some medicine that stopped them before they had really started.  I would like to have some of that medicine on hand.  He has the blotchy red spots on his face and arms.  That is the chemo attacking the many signs the sun has left over many years of sun.  They haven't been as red as I thought they would be.  The PA said that is the chemo killing any pre-skin cancer that he might have had some day (one positive).  He hasn't lost his hair.  He is quite red in his stomach area from the radiation.  And I think the radiation is frying his insides.  But I guess that is what it is suppose to do.  He has had quite a bit of pain, but the pain pills they gave him have worked really well.  He says he itches and I am sure that is another side effect of the chemo.   His blood levels have stayed where they wanted them and he is maintaining his weight.  He hasn't lost his love for food, but he doesn't have a great desire to eat.  He has had some muscle spasms, but only a few.  Of course they were in the middle of the night and that kept him awake.  He usually falls a sleep on the couch for a few hours before he heads to bed.  He doesn't sleep as well as he would like.  But then who does when you are 50+.

On a good note, he spent the weekend hunting with his dad, brothers and son (James had to work)  The doctor thought it would be good for the mind and he encouraged him to go it he felt like it.  I think they had a good time and he enjoyed the distraction.  He came home tired, but not as tired as I expected him to be.

Our kids take great care of us--Jeff was responsible for the hunting trip duties and I think he did a great job.  Thanks kids for putting up with a over-protective wife and mother.  This is a new road traveled for all of us and I am still feeling my way.  (I hope we don't have to get to know this road to well)

As of today, he has 15 treatments down and 10 radiation treatments left, so we are more than half way.

Bryan is a very positive, up beat person that sees more positive than negative in his life.

He told me tonight that he feels overwhelmed by the love and kindness people show him.  I know when he is in the spot light like this, it is out of his comfort zone, but I also know that he really appreciates all of the support others have offered.

 Thank you all for your love and support.

Starting the 3rd week.

Monday marked the start of the 3rd week for radiation for Bryan.  They keep telling him this will be really bad.  We saw both doctors yesterday and both were pleased at how well he is doing.  His blood still looks good.  He is eating and not losing weight.  He is starting to get fever blisters and his skin is getting red and blotchy.  He is tired in the even and has quite a lot of pain, but he is managing all of it with humor and patience.  He does his best to stay positive and up beat.  Most of the time he does better than I do.  It will be good to get this week over then we will be on the down ward stretch for the radiation.

Into the second week!

Bryan started his second week of radiation on Monday.  Monday night he was sick--nausea and diarrhea.  Bryan was sure it was the flu.  Why would it start when it hadn't before?  He said he felt ache and so it was probably food poisoning or the flu.  If you know Bryan very well, anytime he feels sick to his stomach he says it is food poisoning.  After about 24 hours he seemed to feel better.  See of course it was food poisoning.  At his doctors appointment he told that doctor about it and that he thought it was food poisoning.  Guess what....doctor agreed with wife.  Probably was the chemo.  But then it doesn't matter what it was, its just good he is feeling better.  His blood looks good and his blood pressure is staying steady.  So far no signs of sores on his hands and feet or in his mouth.  And he isn't losing weight.  Good Job Bryan.  Glad you are taking care of yourself.  Love you.

Some things just don't go together!

It seems crazy that we have snow on the ground.  I know that it is coming and yet I am never ready for it. I have a really had time wanting to change ward ropes.  I told 2 people today that hate to give up the sandals and they both said there is nothing wrong with wearing them with socks.  Somehow that just doesn't seem right.  That takes me back to the CJ Banks days and the training that said socks and sandals don't mix.  NO SOCKS and SANDALS. It goes against all the rules.  And by the way always make sure your toe nails are painted.  Funny training I remenber.  How do you vote?

First week is over

Bryan finished his first week of chemo and radiation.  1 down 4 more to go.  For the most part he is doing very well.  The biggest problem is the fatigue.  He tires really easy and feels over whelmed with large tasks.  The pain gets to him sometimes and he took  his first pain pills last night.  Although he said they didn't help very much.  We are keeping him away from all the flu that seems to be going around.  We don't want him to get sick.  He still has his hair and hasn't lost any weight so we are in good shape.  He laughs at jokes about himself and gives the techs and doctors a hard time.  Some times he reminds me of my dad when he was in the hospital.  He is very pleasant and doesn't get as impatient as I do with the process.  He always makes the staff laugh and  has a great attitude.  He is working hard at making in roads at getting the branding business for the clinics and doctors.  He has to pay for all this some how.  He took the doctors shirts and a wireless mouse with In the Paints logo on it.  Every visit he talks to someone about business while he is at his visits. 

As for me, I have been very blessed with added strength and peace to do the work that I need to do. I really feel all of the prayer that have been offered up in our behalf.   I feel very torn sometimes though.  Should I be working so much?  I miss some of the doctors appointments and feel like I am not helping Bryan like I would like.  I need to help him with his job and I can't until late in the evening because I am up gone to work by 6 and don't get home until after 6.  That is hard on him.  What is the answer?  I don't know for sure, but I hope the Lord knows  my heart and will help pick up the pieces that I can't take care of.  Our kids have been amazing!  I'm sure I am some what bias, but we have the best kids in the world.  And the grand kids are even better than the kids.  I can't believe we are blessed enough to have 9 perfect grand kids.